The Late Night Wars to Cage Match/ Let's Do It!

Anybody who has turned on a TV set in the last few weeks has witnessed the Late Night Wars brought on by Jay Leno and Conan O’Brien committing the worst TV sin of all; getting unsatisfactory rating.
The great NBC plan was to announce O’Brien’s take over of the Tonight Show ahead of time to avoid the scramble that occurred between Leno and David Letterman when Johnny Carson stepped down. Oops Oops Oops
But then came the bad ratings and NBC’s questionable plan to reshuffle the line up, causing O’Brien to publicly balk in a big way. Then Letterman jumped into the fray because he just couldn’t resist.
The monologue jousting has ranged from funny to vindictive to just kind of creepy. Some, like me, would say it’s a case of rich guys bitching over turf and how richer they can be or become. The way network television works in a highly successful day time or late night show can reap huge profits because of the frequency of its airing and its low production costs. So there are untold millions of dollars available to the stars of these shows. Leno and Letterman have already cashed in. But poor Conan has to settle for a paltry 30 million plus buy out settlement. How will the man eat?
I think it’s time to stop the yak yak yakking and get to some action. And I, good people, have the answer. A no holds barred WWF style wrestling cage match between Leno, O’Brien, and Letterman with the proceeds going to charity.
They’ve already done the pre-match trash talking so all that is needed is the nick names and costumes. Jay “Dr. Chin” Leno dressed like the Purdue Boilermaker mascot that he resembles. Conan “Gumby” O’Brien dressed like Gumby. And David “The Avenger” Letterman garbed in super hero tights and cape.
There would be a size, height, and age difference between the combatants. But since its be a cage match, you could sprinkle the ring with equalizes like chairs, bottles, and slabs of lumber spiked with nails.
The last man standing would be crowned King of Late Night and the entire matter would be put to rest, thank goodness.