At this point I suppose it’s safe to say that reality TV shows are here to stay, for better or worst, heaven or hell. I’m not a particularly big fan of reality television, although there are shows I do watch. Like all other television shows they exist in varying degrees of quality, and survive varying amounts of time.
However, I’m beginning to notice something uniquely insidious about reality shows. Even if there’s a show you don’t like, and have no interest in whatsoever, you may not be able to escape the people featured in the show unless you completely give up viewing television. I had never heard of the Jon and Kate show until stories of their crumbling marriage surfaced. As far as I can tell the dissolution of their marriage is probably for the good of mankind. What I strongly object to is the constant reports and updates on these annoying people. They pop up on magazine shows, morning shows like Today, and even local news broadcasts.
The Hills is another show I’ve never watched. But I have seen way too much coverage of the stars of the show, especially Heidi and Spencer, apparently the most annoying people in their age group in America, if not the world.
Somebody tell me how this travesty can be put to a stop
Good people, if I do say so myself, I sometimes come up with brilliant ideas. This one is for the ultimate reality show called House on a Steep Hill. I’m positive it will be a guaranteed ratings winner. It will be a one time broadcast live and unedited.
The premise of the show will be to gather together a group of the most annoying and unlikeable reality show participants on a false promise, and fly them by helicopter to a luxury house located on a steep hill.
Once the group has gathered inside the house, Boom , a dynamite charge will, to say the least, put a shock into the group. The blast won’t be strong enough to wipe out all the participants. But think of the thrill of seeing your most hated reality show star bite the dust in a big way.
A broadcast announcement will tell the survivors weather conditions won’t allow a helicopter rescue, but if they journey to the bottom of the hill they will be saved.
Now here comes the next twist. Sprinkled around the slope of the hill will be mean and hungry wild animals; lions and tigers and bears, oh my. The prospect of seeing one or more alleged stars being ripped to shreds, and eaten for lunch by a wild animal has to be just what the doctor ordered for the dedicated reality show fan.
Not to be totally unfair, there will also be weapons placed along the path going down the hill. Everything from primitive spears and bows and arrows to hand guns and Uzis. The trick for the stars will be to acquire the best weapon possible before being attacked by one or more animals.
I’ll tell you folks, the suspense will be amazing. Either all the pesky reality stars will become wild animal appetizers, or some will actually survive, and win our respect, if not admiration. A ratings winner for sure. Call me, networks. Call me.
Showing posts with label reality shows. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reality shows. Show all posts
Friday, July 31, 2009
Monday, June 1, 2009
The Fame and Shame Game
The other night after I, for some unknown reason, had just watched my fourth celebrity and entertainment half hour magazine show, it dawned on me that I was watching way too many celebrity and entertainment shows. But the fact that so many shows exist underscores our ever growing obsession with celebrity and fame. Either we hunger for news about this or that celebrity, or we long to become one ourselves. So it's no surprise that an ever growing publication and broadcast industry has exploded centering around the fame game. But the funny thing is no matter how horny, crazed, alcohol and drug addicted, marrying and divorcing celebrities are, they don't seem to do this at a fast enough rate to fill all those publication pages or broadcast time. One solution has been the time-honored practice of fabricating stories based on half truths, or no truth at all. The other is the Orwellian practice of rumor is truth, and truth is rumor, meaning a news source can report an item as rumor, then others will pick it up and report it until those involved in the rumor have to respond as if the rumor was based in fact.
Just at the right moment the reality TV craze came along just in time to feed the celebrity monster. Now you don't have to accomplish anything in areas like the arts or sports over a period of time. You just have to participate in one of these shows that get decent ratings.
And what do you have to do to qualify? Attempt to sing. Attempt being the key word. If you can actually sing you may launch a professional singing career. If you suck to high heaven, you get a one shot dose of national humiliation. The fame game can be cruel. But hey, fame is fame.
Other roads to fame are right there for you if you're willing to grovel for the attention of some semi-desirable bachelor or bachelorette along with a dozen or so other potential permanent suitors. Or you can journey to some godforsaken island where you will be starved to death, eaten alive by exotic insects, and lied to, backstabbed, and double-crossed by just about every other human being present. All for the chance to win a million dollars. And if you want to extent your fifteen minutes of fame you can do like one winner and not pay taxes and hope the IRS won't notice. Of course that won't work, and the press will be right there to cover your trial and conviction for tax evasion. Another venue for the fame-shame game is the TV talk show. When they run out of real celebrities guests, reality stars will have to do. Check out this talk show exchange: "We're back. I'm Blink Nesbie. And my next guest is London Bridges, heir to the Super Ribbed condom empire, and reality TV star. London, it's great to have you hear." "Yeah, like, it's really cool being here with you. You're kinda cute." "Well thank you. You're a lovely young lady. Now let's talk about your career. It began with your appearance on the reality show Let's Eat Some Insects. What was it like eating so many insects?' "Well, you know, it was kind of cool once you got used to it." "What did they taste like?" "Chicken mostly. Some like sunflower seeds." "Of course," smiled the host. "Before the reality show, you had those sex tapes leak out." "Yeah. That was unfortunate. People say they were dirty sex tapes, but they really weren't." "There was the one where your naked butt was spanked by a guy using raw spaghetti sticks." "Oh yeah. Let me explain that. The guy was a chef at a restaurant my family owns. He had been in a down mood. It was a therapy thing." "But what about the tape of the guy licking chocolate syrup off your nude body?" "I was helping a friend get over an eating disorder." "Really." "Yeah. For sure. I'm not a freaky hoocie. I'm really not."
Just at the right moment the reality TV craze came along just in time to feed the celebrity monster. Now you don't have to accomplish anything in areas like the arts or sports over a period of time. You just have to participate in one of these shows that get decent ratings.
And what do you have to do to qualify? Attempt to sing. Attempt being the key word. If you can actually sing you may launch a professional singing career. If you suck to high heaven, you get a one shot dose of national humiliation. The fame game can be cruel. But hey, fame is fame.
Other roads to fame are right there for you if you're willing to grovel for the attention of some semi-desirable bachelor or bachelorette along with a dozen or so other potential permanent suitors. Or you can journey to some godforsaken island where you will be starved to death, eaten alive by exotic insects, and lied to, backstabbed, and double-crossed by just about every other human being present. All for the chance to win a million dollars. And if you want to extent your fifteen minutes of fame you can do like one winner and not pay taxes and hope the IRS won't notice. Of course that won't work, and the press will be right there to cover your trial and conviction for tax evasion. Another venue for the fame-shame game is the TV talk show. When they run out of real celebrities guests, reality stars will have to do. Check out this talk show exchange: "We're back. I'm Blink Nesbie. And my next guest is London Bridges, heir to the Super Ribbed condom empire, and reality TV star. London, it's great to have you hear." "Yeah, like, it's really cool being here with you. You're kinda cute." "Well thank you. You're a lovely young lady. Now let's talk about your career. It began with your appearance on the reality show Let's Eat Some Insects. What was it like eating so many insects?' "Well, you know, it was kind of cool once you got used to it." "What did they taste like?" "Chicken mostly. Some like sunflower seeds." "Of course," smiled the host. "Before the reality show, you had those sex tapes leak out." "Yeah. That was unfortunate. People say they were dirty sex tapes, but they really weren't." "There was the one where your naked butt was spanked by a guy using raw spaghetti sticks." "Oh yeah. Let me explain that. The guy was a chef at a restaurant my family owns. He had been in a down mood. It was a therapy thing." "But what about the tape of the guy licking chocolate syrup off your nude body?" "I was helping a friend get over an eating disorder." "Really." "Yeah. For sure. I'm not a freaky hoocie. I'm really not."
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