Wednesday, March 25, 2009

The AIG Bail Out-Bonus Blues

The AIG bonuses after bail out scandal. How could it have happened? How could AIG have the audacity to grant employee bonuses after accepting billions of taxpayer dollars in bail out money? My first thought is, since AIG is a major factor in the bank-housing market collapse, they must have a very low criteria for granting bonuses. Something like if you show up for work fully clothed enough times, you too can collect a bonus.
My second thought is how could they not know there would be a huge backlash if news about the bonuses got out? Are they existing in some type of alternative world? Then it dawned on me. Yes. They are existing in an alternative world. And I know what it is. The world of day time soap operas.
If you’ve ever watched a day time soap you know wealthy business people act with near impunity. They also spend little time working and managing their successful businesses. They usually hang out in their luxurious homes dressed in expensive suits and designer outfits while they spend most of their time meddling in the lives of their spouses, children, and friends. These people of privilege routinely act on the fringes of what’s legal and moral. And if by chance they’re convicted of a major felony, sometimes even murder, they spend a couple months in jail before returning to their lives of constant manipulating and scheming.
Throw in the fact that TV soap operas exist on an accelerated time frame, the couple of months since the government bail out must have seemed like at least a year to the AIG executives, since it usually takes about ten years for a soap opera child to go from an infant to a college student.
So don’t be so mad at AIG. It’s not their fault. They’re just living in a day time soap world. Enough said.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Who Do You Like in the NCAA Tournament?

Who do you like in the NCAA tournament? Those words will be spoken zillions of times in the next two weeks. Office pools and all sorts of sponsored or in formal contests will be taking place all over the country. In today’s college basketball in which parity rules, it’s virtually impossible to correctly fill out all the brackets, although last year there was the rare occurrence when all four number one seeds made it to the final four.
I suppose it can be said that the NCAA’s men’s basketball tournament is second only to the NFL play-offs, cumulating in the unofficial holiday status of the Super Bowl when it comes to capturing the country’s imagination, which consistently translates into big network television ratings.
Looking back forty years, except in regional pockets, college basketball trailed college football in popularity by a large margin.
A turning point was the broadcast of a game between the semi-invincible Lew Alcinder led UCLA team and a Houston team led by Elvin Hayes. In a very well played game, Hayes went on a scoring tear that resulted in a rare loss for UCLA.
That game was broadcast late out of prime time. Eight years later when a Bobby Knight coached Indiana squad became the last team to go undefeated through an entire season, the championship game was broadcast on a Saturday afternoon as a pick up from a non-major network distributor called TVS.
Another big turning point was the 1979 showdown in the championship game between Michigan State and the new to the big time Indiana State. Michigan State was led by Ervin “Magic” Johnson, the uniquely talented six foot nine point guard that had a ‘smiling assassin’ demeanor. Cinderella Indiana State was led by Larry Bird, a sharp shooting country boy who became a hero to many white kids who had serious hoop dreams.
The fact that Johnson’s Spartans won the game wasn’t as important as it was the beginning of many legendary battles that rekindled interest in the NBA. Other players like Michael Jordan and Pat Ewing became long time NBA superstars after winning NCAA titles.
Of course, college basketball has always been a defacto minor league and feeder system for the NBA. The growth of the NCAA tournament the last thirty years makes the system seem all the more perverse. The TV networks pay billions of dollars for the rights to broadcast the games and charge billions of dollars to advertisers. The top coaches can command multi-million dollar contracts. They even get basketball shoe deals. But who gets left out of the big money bonanza? Just the players the fans come out, or tune in to see.
In my fantasy world, big time division one football and basketball would be a separate entity away from the rest of the NCAA. The new class could be what it really is, a big time big money minor league systems for the NBA and NFL. The teams could maintain their conference and school affiliations. There would just be a salary structure involved along with the scholarship.
The chances of this happening any time soon are nil unless some type of major movement presses a change.
So who do you like in the NCAA tournament? Give me your choices and the reasons why if you wish.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

To Be Young, Corrupt, and Stupid

Over the last few weeks we have witnessed the sad saga of deposed Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich; nailed in a federal probe for putting President Obama’s vacate senate seat up for auction like an item on Ebay.
Political corruption in Illinois, especially Chicago, is hardly new. If they don’t average at least one major scandal a year something seems wrong and out of place. Illinois is now two for two in terms of recent governors being slam dunked via corruption probes.
Blagojevich may have reached an all time low in blatant audacity. And an all time high for being stupid enough to talk about it on the phone when he knew he was a target of a corruption probe. This was compounded by him making the rounds on all the national morning news shows to plead his case of innocence before and after he was impeached and booted from office. Why he did this, I’m not sure. It could be he actually believed the PR he was putting down. Or he could be laying the foundation for an insanity defense if his case goes to court. What he really succeeded in doing was to make himself an even bigger target for being lampooned on the late night talk shows, and political satire shows. I’m starting to think whatever he used on his hair to get that goofy hair style must have seeped down through his skull and caused serious brain damage.
I’m trying to think if any politician under investigation for corruption could behave more stupid than Blagojevich.

Picture if you will, Senator Billy Bob Jobobson, of the great state of Somewhere in the South, rushing his rotund figure into a ritzy Washington hotel suite accompanied by April Mayes, a shapely and comely young woman, who is also a undercover government operative.
“I feel great,” April beams. “I feel like dancing.”
She opens her large purse and pulls out a small camcorder.
“Tape me while I’m dancing, baby.”
“Sure darling.”
April hands the camcorder to Billy Bob. He sits on the edge of the bed and aims the camera at his date. April begins to dance about in a flirty manner. She shakes her hips wildly and raises the hem of her dress.
“I like it I like it ” shouts the senator.
April stops dancing. “Wooh. Now you have to dance for me while I film you.”
She moves over and takes the camera from Billy Bob.
“Little darling, you got me so worked up, I’ll have to catch my breath before I can try to do anything.”
“That’s okay. We can talk some. Let me cut the camera off.”
April places the camera on the dresser at an angle where the lense is facing Billy Boy. She pretends to cut it off, but really doesn’t.
“Baby, I’ve been reading in the paper about you being under investigation over taking gifts from lobbyists. Why are they saying all those awful, terrible things about you?”
“I’m a victim of a conspiracy. Calculating evil doers are trying to silence me.”
“That’s terrible. So terrible. Then you didn’t do what they said?”
“Well. I didn’t do anything wrong, little darling. It’s what politics are all about. You have to give something to get something. If a lobbyist gives me a few tickets to major events that doesn’t mean my vote on something would change. And if a lobbyist introduces me to a couple hot babes, before I met you of course, that doesn’t mean I would change my vote on a piece of legislation. And just because a lobbyist might steer me into a great real estate deal doesn’t mean I would vote against my constituents best interests.”
“Wow. You’re so smart. How did you get that way?”
“Oh, I don’t know, darling. It’s just the way I roll.”