It's Coming, Stupid Statement Rehab

In the past few years, it has become a fairly common occurrence to hear stories about well known public figures; actors, singers, TV personalities, and politicians, winding up in rehab due to alcohol and drug addiction. Some of these public figures actually stay in high end rehab facilities long enough to get genuine help. While others may hang around long enough to spin doctor their public image.
In recent times a new twist has entered the fray. A public figure makes a damaging stupid statement, and shortly thereafter enrolls in a rehab clinic for an ongoing addiction. Some of the moves may have been due to a wake up call. Others a part of a cynical spin doctoring scenario. But what of the public figure that makes a stupid statement and has no addiction to fall back on? The answer is stupid statement rehab. Yes my people, it's time. Time for stupid statement rehab.
Imagine this exchange taking place at Oops Inc., the nation's no. 1 stupid statement rehab clinic.
"Come right in and have a seat, sir. I believe I know who you are. But we have to put this on record. Please state your name and occupation."
"I'm Jake Long, and I'm an actor and stand up comedian. I played wacky Uncle Leo on the sit-com Benny's Place."
"Yes. I watched that show. You were great."
"Thank you."
"Now let's get to the nature of your stupid statement."
"Well, I was at a comedy club trying out new material. I made a disparaging remark about a gay black female talk show host. I thought it was funny. But it didn't go over so well. And some sneaky bastard caught it on his cell phone. And then all hell broke loose."
"Oh. That's a three peat. You offended women, blacks, and gay people. That's going to take some work. First, we'll put some writers on your sincere heart felt apology statement. Then it's booking the appearances on the morning news shows and syndicated talk shows where you'll make a tearful apology. In your case, we'll have to book you on black, gay, and women oriented cable talk and magazine shows.
"And of course, there's the de-stupification process, conducted by experts in the field. So. For what we have to do for you it'll initially run you around 72,000 dollars."
"What? Isn't that a bit steep?"
"Mr. Long, stupid statement rehabbing is not an easy task. And it's not cheap. Plus, once all this has died down, and some new scandal takes center stage, your name recognition will be way up. You might land that next big Uncle Leo type role."
"Yeah, I suppose that's true. Who should I make the check out to?"