Baseball Been Very Very Roid to Me

Well, it’s spring time and sports fans are turning their attention to the beginning of the baseball season. Back in the day fans worried about their favorite team’s chances to win the division, make the world series, or at least improve on the previous season. Now fans wonder what high profile superstar will become embroiled in a steroid scandal. Last year it was Roger Clemens, who like Barry Bonds, had remarkable seasons for a player late in his career.
This year it’s A-rod, who is not exactly at the end of his career, more like in his prime years. But considering all the recent tabloid stories about Madonna, strippers, madams, and hookers, he may have needed the steroids just to keep his energy level up.
There are probably only two ways to possibly handle the steroid situation in baseball and remove the stain of scandal. One way would be to come up with an all purpose test that could detect all performance enhancing drugs.
The second solution would be to make steroids and the rest perfectly legal, despite the potential long term health-related consequences.
Of course, if steroids were legal it would be okay for announcers to incorporate roid banter into the broadcast.
Picture this radio broadcast exchange.
"There’s one out, and here comes Billy Breakfast to the plate. He steps in batting at .215. Here’s the first pitch. High for a ball."
"You know, Billy is a prime example of a guy the roids have kept in the majors," the color man said. "He has twenty home runs, and 50 RBIs, but he’s only hitting .215."
"The next pitch is swung on and missed. The catcher must’ve been crossed up on that pitch. He’s going out to talk to his pitcher. Getting back to Billy and the steroids, in half a season he’s struck out 115 times. But boy, when he connects with the ball it really flies."
"Not to mention, he has a huge head. He looks like an alien from a Star Trek movie."
"We’re ready to go again. Here’s the pitch. Billy swings and hits a sky high pop up. That baby is way up there. The third baseman has a bead on it. Oh, the wind’s got it. The catcher and first baseman go after it. The ball drops between them. Breakfast is on second with a wind blown double."
"Now that was really a wind blown steroid hit."