Sadly, the Tiger Woods saga continues. Enough mistresses have come forward to almost field a lingerie football team. A lot has been said about Tiger's tarnished image. But wait! I have the same feeling about mistresses. It used to be if you compensated and treated them well they remained loyal and kept quiet. But alas, hoocies have lost their integrity.
I suppose you can't blame them in today's world of the hungry media monster that constantly needs to be fed. With instant fame knocking at the door they're all to willing to say:
"Oh yes. Here I am. I was with Tiger. I did him. How could he resist? Look at this. Look at me."
I suppose you can't blame them. There's famous for nothing money to be made in the form of selling your story to tabloids, photo spreads in men's magazines, and maybe an appearance on a dumb-assed reality show.
Down the line, if they go on to have a family, they can show their kids the DVD of news and magazine show reports about their proudest moment.
Well, maybe not.
Hoocies be squawking
Hoocies be talking
Hoocies used to have class
But that's in the past
I'm a bad poet
And I know it
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Super Bowl Half Time Show; More Old White Men
Am I the only one to notice that since the infamous Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction incident, the half time Super Bowl acts have been all about, well, old white men more likely to have a bowel malfunction that one of the wardrobe variety?
Let’s see, there was Tom Petty, Paul McCarthy, and Bruce Springsteen. I’m getting old myself, I may have missed somebody. I suppose they all met the criteria for half time acts. Long term success, and millions of loyal fans. But then again, so does Janet Jackson, and several other female singers under the age of sixty.
I suppose the NFL can tolerate large sweaty angry men knocking the crap out of each other for three hours white attempting to move an oblong leather ball up and down a hundred yard field. But they draw the line at condoning anything overtly sexual sullying their good family entertainment game. Well, other than hot young women in skimpy outfits cheering their hearts out for their favorite home team. Not to mention their big boobs and shapely butts.
It’s the sexism of the choices that bothers me most. If the acts have to be over sixty, why can’t they be female? Cher is someone that comes to mind. Although in her younger days she had a penchant for wearing outrageous outfits to award shows. I suppose she could be talked into wearing a non-malfunctioning outfit like a zip up leather jacket, leather pants, and boots.
Tina Turner is another act that would fit the bill. She still had great legs, so we shouldn’t ask her to cover them, but she could wear a strait jacket type top to guard against malfunctions.
Tina has such a raspy hard-edged speaking voice I think she could do a good job narrating for NFL Films. Couldn’t you just hear her saying:
“It was a warm 72 degrees inside the noisy domed stadium when the Green Bay Packers met the New England Patriots with the NFL championship hanging in the balance.”
Let’s see, there was Tom Petty, Paul McCarthy, and Bruce Springsteen. I’m getting old myself, I may have missed somebody. I suppose they all met the criteria for half time acts. Long term success, and millions of loyal fans. But then again, so does Janet Jackson, and several other female singers under the age of sixty.
I suppose the NFL can tolerate large sweaty angry men knocking the crap out of each other for three hours white attempting to move an oblong leather ball up and down a hundred yard field. But they draw the line at condoning anything overtly sexual sullying their good family entertainment game. Well, other than hot young women in skimpy outfits cheering their hearts out for their favorite home team. Not to mention their big boobs and shapely butts.
It’s the sexism of the choices that bothers me most. If the acts have to be over sixty, why can’t they be female? Cher is someone that comes to mind. Although in her younger days she had a penchant for wearing outrageous outfits to award shows. I suppose she could be talked into wearing a non-malfunctioning outfit like a zip up leather jacket, leather pants, and boots.
Tina Turner is another act that would fit the bill. She still had great legs, so we shouldn’t ask her to cover them, but she could wear a strait jacket type top to guard against malfunctions.
Tina has such a raspy hard-edged speaking voice I think she could do a good job narrating for NFL Films. Couldn’t you just hear her saying:
“It was a warm 72 degrees inside the noisy domed stadium when the Green Bay Packers met the New England Patriots with the NFL championship hanging in the balance.”
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
About President Obama & The Nobel Prize
Early in the morning I had a revelation concerning the furor over President Obama winning the Nobel Peace Prize. Loud voices from all over proclaimed him not worthy of the honor. I say even if he doesn't deserve it and won anyway, so damn what about it. Being a black man, not wanting to bring up race, but doing it anyway, I say white people get stuff they don't deserve all the time, and nobody makes a big deal out of it. But let a black person, or any minority do it, then there's a big hue and cry against it. People yell and scream, point fingers, call for rule changes, want to form a committee to study whether to form a investigating commission. I say stop it. Stop it! Stop it!
One of the beauties of American is that by hard work, luck, or circumstance you can acquire stuff you don't really deserve. In the 21st century, if we are truly striving towards equality, then all races, creeds, and colors should be entitled to stuff they don't deserve.
And for you people that constantly bitch and moan about what somebody else is getting, direct they energy toward something you want, and you too might get stuff you don't deserve.
Enough said. I'm out.
One of the beauties of American is that by hard work, luck, or circumstance you can acquire stuff you don't really deserve. In the 21st century, if we are truly striving towards equality, then all races, creeds, and colors should be entitled to stuff they don't deserve.
And for you people that constantly bitch and moan about what somebody else is getting, direct they energy toward something you want, and you too might get stuff you don't deserve.
Enough said. I'm out.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Can We Call A Dumb-ass A Dumb-ass?
Can We Call A Dumb-Ass A Dumb-Ass?
In the world of news stories that fly at us at a rapid fire pace, two stick in my mind. The most recent deals with grade school kids singing a revamped song in praise of President Obama. Some parents were concerned that this could be seen as brain washing. This story comes on the heals of parents being concerned about President Obama’s broadcast message to school children. They were worried about it being political in nature.
I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, but folks, these parents baffle me. The tie in between songs and brainwashing. Don’t see it. Makes no sense to me. Dumb-assed.
Having qualms about the president’s message to school children without having prior knowledge of its content, also dumb-assed.
It could be possible that these “concerned” parents are of the ultra conservative persuasion, and just wanted to throw stones into the public discourse.
Anyway, the dumb-assed syndrome is hardly new. Decades ago when the Equal Rights Amendment was being proposed its opponents threw out warning that its passage would result in women being drafted into the military and being expected to engage in front line combat. And worst yet, be mandated to use co-ed bathrooms. At the time there was no indication that any of those measures would result from the passage of the ERA. Yet there were guests on news and talk shows who insisted this would be the case. I can’t recall a host or anchor ever saying the insinuations were stupid and outlandish, and yes, dumb-assed.
Why the silence by the media? Well, it could be because they feel the need to stay impartial during their hosting and anchoring duties. Or better yet, there is so much air time needed to be filled, that if they began offending the stupid and dumb-assed they may be left scrambling for guests and content to put on the air.
Ah, but my fellow Americans, I have a solution to this monumental problem. A dumb-assed alert. We have TV weather warnings. Parental discretion warnings for mature content. We need the same thing when an obvious dumb-assed story is about to be reported. A buzzer could go off, and a flashing superimposed “dumb-assed story” crawl could be positioned at the bottom of the screen. This would ease my, and many other people’s minds.
Mass media. Are you listening?
In the world of news stories that fly at us at a rapid fire pace, two stick in my mind. The most recent deals with grade school kids singing a revamped song in praise of President Obama. Some parents were concerned that this could be seen as brain washing. This story comes on the heals of parents being concerned about President Obama’s broadcast message to school children. They were worried about it being political in nature.
I know everyone is entitled to their opinion, but folks, these parents baffle me. The tie in between songs and brainwashing. Don’t see it. Makes no sense to me. Dumb-assed.
Having qualms about the president’s message to school children without having prior knowledge of its content, also dumb-assed.
It could be possible that these “concerned” parents are of the ultra conservative persuasion, and just wanted to throw stones into the public discourse.
Anyway, the dumb-assed syndrome is hardly new. Decades ago when the Equal Rights Amendment was being proposed its opponents threw out warning that its passage would result in women being drafted into the military and being expected to engage in front line combat. And worst yet, be mandated to use co-ed bathrooms. At the time there was no indication that any of those measures would result from the passage of the ERA. Yet there were guests on news and talk shows who insisted this would be the case. I can’t recall a host or anchor ever saying the insinuations were stupid and outlandish, and yes, dumb-assed.
Why the silence by the media? Well, it could be because they feel the need to stay impartial during their hosting and anchoring duties. Or better yet, there is so much air time needed to be filled, that if they began offending the stupid and dumb-assed they may be left scrambling for guests and content to put on the air.
Ah, but my fellow Americans, I have a solution to this monumental problem. A dumb-assed alert. We have TV weather warnings. Parental discretion warnings for mature content. We need the same thing when an obvious dumb-assed story is about to be reported. A buzzer could go off, and a flashing superimposed “dumb-assed story” crawl could be positioned at the bottom of the screen. This would ease my, and many other people’s minds.
Mass media. Are you listening?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
About
The news that Michael Vick would be re-instated into the NFL didn’t come as a shock to me. I always had the feeling he would be allowed to play again if he showed any true signs of genuine remorse. I’m stuck in the middle of the equation because I’m a dog lover and a big NFL fan.
On the other hand, the NFL is the biggest straight out meat market in sports when it comes to acquiring and discarding players. It has to be due to the high attrition rate related to wear and tear and career ending injuries. Consequently, anybody showing any genuine talent will probably be given a chance to line up and give it a go. Michael Vick certainly fits into that category.
In general, the NFL always exits in a paradox. On one hand they are extremely popular, especially on television, and loves to promote itself as an all American sport for the whole family. But in reality, football is a pretty violent, highly mean-spirited game played by hard-nosed men that relish shouting obscenities at each other.
It should be no surprise that such a game would attract young men with highly aggressive hard-nosed personalities, a plus for players that play some positions. A side bar to this is that some players find it hard to turn off their aggressive no holds bared nature outside of the playing field, which has sometimes led to problems with the law.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has instituted what you could call a no nonsense policy for players who step out of line and get convicted of high crimes and misdemeanors. He seems to be the sole authority on when or if the offending players will be suspended and for how long. The approach seems credible enough but probably won’t be 100% successful just due to the nature of the game and the type of people it takes to field a competitive team.
This brings me to the Jetsons, a 1960s animated TV show that was the opposite of the Flintstones. It had a futuristic premise that featured all the space age advancements that should have occurred by now, but haven’t exactly come to be. The show featured things like flying cars that folded up into a briefcase, talking robot house keepers, and food machines that deliver a cooked meal in a couple seconds. I’m glad the flying cars haven’t happened .As bad as some people drive I would not want to have to be constantly looking upward in anticipation of two crashed cars landing on my head.
I recall an episode of the Jetsons that included a football game. It wasn’t played by humans, but by robots that were controlled by the team’s coaches. What a boom this would be for the NFL. No dealing with humans and their petty frailties and problems. No injuries, no criminal behavior by players, no annoying flamboyant wide receivers, no agents wanting big contracts for their star players. Just robots or androids you wheel out of a box and send out to play in the games. And if a player should malfunction or break down, you would just haul out an equally skilled replacement and keep playing.
The only people who would probably object would be actual human beings with the skills to play professional football. They could start an alternative old school league but it wouldn’t have the juice of the NFL behind them.
But on the other hand, how long would it be before some overzealous owner got nailed for illegal programming or assembling the team’s robots, resulting in scandalous headlines.
Oh well. Never mind.
On the other hand, the NFL is the biggest straight out meat market in sports when it comes to acquiring and discarding players. It has to be due to the high attrition rate related to wear and tear and career ending injuries. Consequently, anybody showing any genuine talent will probably be given a chance to line up and give it a go. Michael Vick certainly fits into that category.
In general, the NFL always exits in a paradox. On one hand they are extremely popular, especially on television, and loves to promote itself as an all American sport for the whole family. But in reality, football is a pretty violent, highly mean-spirited game played by hard-nosed men that relish shouting obscenities at each other.
It should be no surprise that such a game would attract young men with highly aggressive hard-nosed personalities, a plus for players that play some positions. A side bar to this is that some players find it hard to turn off their aggressive no holds bared nature outside of the playing field, which has sometimes led to problems with the law.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has instituted what you could call a no nonsense policy for players who step out of line and get convicted of high crimes and misdemeanors. He seems to be the sole authority on when or if the offending players will be suspended and for how long. The approach seems credible enough but probably won’t be 100% successful just due to the nature of the game and the type of people it takes to field a competitive team.
This brings me to the Jetsons, a 1960s animated TV show that was the opposite of the Flintstones. It had a futuristic premise that featured all the space age advancements that should have occurred by now, but haven’t exactly come to be. The show featured things like flying cars that folded up into a briefcase, talking robot house keepers, and food machines that deliver a cooked meal in a couple seconds. I’m glad the flying cars haven’t happened .As bad as some people drive I would not want to have to be constantly looking upward in anticipation of two crashed cars landing on my head.
I recall an episode of the Jetsons that included a football game. It wasn’t played by humans, but by robots that were controlled by the team’s coaches. What a boom this would be for the NFL. No dealing with humans and their petty frailties and problems. No injuries, no criminal behavior by players, no annoying flamboyant wide receivers, no agents wanting big contracts for their star players. Just robots or androids you wheel out of a box and send out to play in the games. And if a player should malfunction or break down, you would just haul out an equally skilled replacement and keep playing.
The only people who would probably object would be actual human beings with the skills to play professional football. They could start an alternative old school league but it wouldn’t have the juice of the NFL behind them.
But on the other hand, how long would it be before some overzealous owner got nailed for illegal programming or assembling the team’s robots, resulting in scandalous headlines.
Oh well. Never mind.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Reality TV Heaven and Hell
At this point I suppose it’s safe to say that reality TV shows are here to stay, for better or worst, heaven or hell. I’m not a particularly big fan of reality television, although there are shows I do watch. Like all other television shows they exist in varying degrees of quality, and survive varying amounts of time.
However, I’m beginning to notice something uniquely insidious about reality shows. Even if there’s a show you don’t like, and have no interest in whatsoever, you may not be able to escape the people featured in the show unless you completely give up viewing television. I had never heard of the Jon and Kate show until stories of their crumbling marriage surfaced. As far as I can tell the dissolution of their marriage is probably for the good of mankind. What I strongly object to is the constant reports and updates on these annoying people. They pop up on magazine shows, morning shows like Today, and even local news broadcasts.
The Hills is another show I’ve never watched. But I have seen way too much coverage of the stars of the show, especially Heidi and Spencer, apparently the most annoying people in their age group in America, if not the world.
Somebody tell me how this travesty can be put to a stop
Good people, if I do say so myself, I sometimes come up with brilliant ideas. This one is for the ultimate reality show called House on a Steep Hill. I’m positive it will be a guaranteed ratings winner. It will be a one time broadcast live and unedited.
The premise of the show will be to gather together a group of the most annoying and unlikeable reality show participants on a false promise, and fly them by helicopter to a luxury house located on a steep hill.
Once the group has gathered inside the house, Boom , a dynamite charge will, to say the least, put a shock into the group. The blast won’t be strong enough to wipe out all the participants. But think of the thrill of seeing your most hated reality show star bite the dust in a big way.
A broadcast announcement will tell the survivors weather conditions won’t allow a helicopter rescue, but if they journey to the bottom of the hill they will be saved.
Now here comes the next twist. Sprinkled around the slope of the hill will be mean and hungry wild animals; lions and tigers and bears, oh my. The prospect of seeing one or more alleged stars being ripped to shreds, and eaten for lunch by a wild animal has to be just what the doctor ordered for the dedicated reality show fan.
Not to be totally unfair, there will also be weapons placed along the path going down the hill. Everything from primitive spears and bows and arrows to hand guns and Uzis. The trick for the stars will be to acquire the best weapon possible before being attacked by one or more animals.
I’ll tell you folks, the suspense will be amazing. Either all the pesky reality stars will become wild animal appetizers, or some will actually survive, and win our respect, if not admiration. A ratings winner for sure. Call me, networks. Call me.
However, I’m beginning to notice something uniquely insidious about reality shows. Even if there’s a show you don’t like, and have no interest in whatsoever, you may not be able to escape the people featured in the show unless you completely give up viewing television. I had never heard of the Jon and Kate show until stories of their crumbling marriage surfaced. As far as I can tell the dissolution of their marriage is probably for the good of mankind. What I strongly object to is the constant reports and updates on these annoying people. They pop up on magazine shows, morning shows like Today, and even local news broadcasts.
The Hills is another show I’ve never watched. But I have seen way too much coverage of the stars of the show, especially Heidi and Spencer, apparently the most annoying people in their age group in America, if not the world.
Somebody tell me how this travesty can be put to a stop
Good people, if I do say so myself, I sometimes come up with brilliant ideas. This one is for the ultimate reality show called House on a Steep Hill. I’m positive it will be a guaranteed ratings winner. It will be a one time broadcast live and unedited.
The premise of the show will be to gather together a group of the most annoying and unlikeable reality show participants on a false promise, and fly them by helicopter to a luxury house located on a steep hill.
Once the group has gathered inside the house, Boom , a dynamite charge will, to say the least, put a shock into the group. The blast won’t be strong enough to wipe out all the participants. But think of the thrill of seeing your most hated reality show star bite the dust in a big way.
A broadcast announcement will tell the survivors weather conditions won’t allow a helicopter rescue, but if they journey to the bottom of the hill they will be saved.
Now here comes the next twist. Sprinkled around the slope of the hill will be mean and hungry wild animals; lions and tigers and bears, oh my. The prospect of seeing one or more alleged stars being ripped to shreds, and eaten for lunch by a wild animal has to be just what the doctor ordered for the dedicated reality show fan.
Not to be totally unfair, there will also be weapons placed along the path going down the hill. Everything from primitive spears and bows and arrows to hand guns and Uzis. The trick for the stars will be to acquire the best weapon possible before being attacked by one or more animals.
I’ll tell you folks, the suspense will be amazing. Either all the pesky reality stars will become wild animal appetizers, or some will actually survive, and win our respect, if not admiration. A ratings winner for sure. Call me, networks. Call me.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
About Power Groupies & Power Guys
The Governor Sanford affair is the latest in the saga of
political sex scandals. In some ways it’s fairly typical. In
others, not so much. I mean he didn’t just trek across town, or
even across country to hook up with his mistress. He went all the
way to South America with no back up story to really explain his
disappearance. Plus once he confessed he couldn’t stop talking
and cataloguing his sins. This at least spared us the spectacle
of the loyal political wife bravely standing by her man.
I have often been skeptical about these public displays of
support. In private I picture the wife pounding the offending
husband up side the head with a frying pan. And having this kind of
response to any request by the husband.
“Get you a beer. You want me to get you a beer. Why don’t you
ask the slutty little bitch to come get you a beer?”
The female groupie personality type is hardly new. Especially
in high profile professions like acting, music, and athletics. In
the case of politicians power is the great allure. For every JFK
or John Edwards there could be an aging, balding, not so hot
looking politician scoring with a hot babe solely because of his
position of power.
For the power guys, it could be several reasons why they become
players in the game. From believing they are entitled because of
the exalted position they hold, or being thrilled at the chance
of hooking up with a woman they considered to be way out of their
league.
In the past, a sex scandal almost always spelled doom for the
elected official. These days it’s an iffy situation. It could
depend on how the story is spun, what the circumstances are, or
believe it or not, how good a job the office holder is doing in
representing his constituency.
Also in the past, the press looked the other way in the case of
Marilyn Monroe and JFK. In today’s world of overblown media
outlets and instant internet coverage, it would seem to be
virtually impossible for a major female entertainment personality
to carry on an affair with the President of the United States.
Thus, we had a chubby intern becoming an instant infamous
celebrity, and a president going through impeachment hearings.
To me, I almost wish some newly elected official would say
something like:
“I must say, I’m a horny type guy. I might succumb to lust in
my heart. I may screw the wrong girl. But I won’t screw you, my
loyal voting public.”
Of course, this will never happen. But as for sex scandals, I
suspect they’ll stay around for awhile. You can count on it. Stay
tuned.
political sex scandals. In some ways it’s fairly typical. In
others, not so much. I mean he didn’t just trek across town, or
even across country to hook up with his mistress. He went all the
way to South America with no back up story to really explain his
disappearance. Plus once he confessed he couldn’t stop talking
and cataloguing his sins. This at least spared us the spectacle
of the loyal political wife bravely standing by her man.
I have often been skeptical about these public displays of
support. In private I picture the wife pounding the offending
husband up side the head with a frying pan. And having this kind of
response to any request by the husband.
“Get you a beer. You want me to get you a beer. Why don’t you
ask the slutty little bitch to come get you a beer?”
The female groupie personality type is hardly new. Especially
in high profile professions like acting, music, and athletics. In
the case of politicians power is the great allure. For every JFK
or John Edwards there could be an aging, balding, not so hot
looking politician scoring with a hot babe solely because of his
position of power.
For the power guys, it could be several reasons why they become
players in the game. From believing they are entitled because of
the exalted position they hold, or being thrilled at the chance
of hooking up with a woman they considered to be way out of their
league.
In the past, a sex scandal almost always spelled doom for the
elected official. These days it’s an iffy situation. It could
depend on how the story is spun, what the circumstances are, or
believe it or not, how good a job the office holder is doing in
representing his constituency.
Also in the past, the press looked the other way in the case of
Marilyn Monroe and JFK. In today’s world of overblown media
outlets and instant internet coverage, it would seem to be
virtually impossible for a major female entertainment personality
to carry on an affair with the President of the United States.
Thus, we had a chubby intern becoming an instant infamous
celebrity, and a president going through impeachment hearings.
To me, I almost wish some newly elected official would say
something like:
“I must say, I’m a horny type guy. I might succumb to lust in
my heart. I may screw the wrong girl. But I won’t screw you, my
loyal voting public.”
Of course, this will never happen. But as for sex scandals, I
suspect they’ll stay around for awhile. You can count on it. Stay
tuned.
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