It's Good to Be Worth Billions (especially if you need a bail out)

In this era of billion dollar bail outs of the banking industry, and the auto industry looking for such a deal, one thing is starting to be blatantly obvious to me. It’s good to have a billion dollar business. Forget the fact that the fearless leaders of your business have made bad decision after bad decision for a number of years, finally throwing the company deep into the red, and hopelessly unable to pay back any debt.
Such a scenario would surely drive a mere multi-million dollar business in bankruptcy, or doom a pitiful, only a gross in the thousands business, into complete close down.
Oh, but we can’t allow a bedrock industry to go under, so the government must step in and bail them out to the tune of even more billions of dollars.

Can you imagine Joe Businessman, CEO of a struggling right at a billion dollars company, on a busy big city street in route to a big bail out presentation. He uses his cell phone to check his company’s funds and makes a startling discovery. There is only 999,999,999 dollars in the account, one short of the highly coveted billion dollars.
Panic instantly sets in. If the company isn’t worth at least a billion the chances of obtaining a bail out drops like a rock. Joe checks all his pockets looking for a single dollar bill he could use to deposit in a nearby bank and get the company account up to a billion in time for the meeting. He has no such luck. He has only twenty-three cents in his pocket.
He figures he can get help from somebody on the street. Anybody on the street. He moves to a kindly looking elderly lady with white hair.
“Excuse me, ma’m. Do you have a dollar bill to spare?”
“A dollar bill. Hell no. I’m retired on a fixed income. I have to choose between eating and medicine. A well-dressed young buck like you should be offering me money. Say a hundred bucks.”
“I don’t. I don’t have that now.”
“Well I don’t have a damn dollar. So get lost, Armani boy ”
Joe couldn’t believe her reaction. Undaunted, he moves along the street until he spots a well-dressed man in his thirties leaving a cab carrying a briefcase. He heads toward an office building. Joe sees him as a sure donor. He approaches him.
“Excuse me, sir. Do you have a single dollar bill I can borrow from you. It’s a real emergency.”
The man stops, and then suddenly glares at Joe.
“It’s you. It’s you Is this a sick joke? After what you did to me.”
“Excuse me?”
“You don’t remember me, do you?”
“Should I?”
“I worked for your company. In accounting. You laid me off. I’ve been unemployed for six months. And you have the nerve to ask me for a dollar. I could strangle your ass.”
The man charges after his ex-boss. Joe turns and races away with the man hot on his heels. He is fearing for his life until the man trips and falls flat on his face.
Joe races around a corner and stops near an alley. That’s when he spots an unshaven homeless man, dressed in several shirts and winter boots, leaning against a building wall.
“What are you looking at?” snaps the homeless man.
“Nothing buddy. But I could use your help. If you have what I want.”
“And what do you want from a lowly homeless man like me?”
Joe moves in closer. “Just a single dollar bill. That’s all I need. One dollar bill.”
“I know times are tough. But why does a Armani wearing fool need a dollar bill?”
“I can’t go into that. But uh. I can make it worth your while. Look uh. Look uh.” Joe takes off his Rolex watch. “If you have a dollar bill I will give you my watch for it. A real Rolex.”
Joe holds the watch out so the homeless man can examine it.
“One dollar for this watch. You’re giving me a Rolex watch for one dollar. Is that it?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. We can do this.”
The homeless man searches about in his pockets until he locates a very wrinkled one dollar bill. He smooths it out and hands it to Joe.
A big smile comes to Joe’s face. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. I appreciate it so much.”
He gives the Rolex to the homeless man and then dances happily back up the street.
The homeless man looks closer at the Rolex.
“Is this a reality show? Or real life gone crazy? You can’t tell any more here in America.”